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Three Things I've Learned About Marriage

By Robyn Broyles, June 22, 2009 11:05



What I Have Learned About Catholic Marriage by Being a Married Catholic

Last month, my husband and I celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary.  We married three weeks after I graduated from university.  He was a former Protestant seminarian, spiritually adrift after deciding he did not have a call to the ministry.  I was a cradle Catholic just beginning to peek beyond the rote-learning level of a child's faith.  Today, he is a Catholic convert and I am a Catholic writer and catechist (if a crude one).

Inside Catholic has a recent article about "good" Catholics getting divorced.  These couples find that marriage was not what they expected, and decide to bail out.  Considering the Church's prohibitions against divorce, they cannot consider themselves assenting Catholics without going through some mental gymnastics to morally justify the split. 

It all got me thinking:  What has being a married Catholic taught me?

1.   Just as in faith, there is no "once saved, always saved" in marriage.  When you married, you may have (and should have) intended with every fiber that only death would end it.  That intention is not enough to protect your marriage against the dangers it will face.  For the rest of your lives, you must be vigilant to risks to your marriage, from taking your spouse for granted to "friendships" with the potential to end in adultery.  You think it can't happen?  The truth is that you will not be immune to temptation no matter how firm your will.

2.  Your current union with your spouse is a reflection of your future union with God.  This is why marriage is a sacrament.  While this idea can be learned from studying the Catechism, you can really understand it only by experiencing it. And the experience of participating in a marriage will add another, profound level to your relationship with God.

3.  True love is not a feeling, but an act of the will.  You cannot depend on feelings of love to fuel your marriage.  Sometimes, your spouse will make it very difficult to feel those warm emotions.  And sometimes you will make it equally difficult for your spouse to feel warm things about you.  These times do not mean you are falling out of love.  Love requires a conscious decision—one you must make over and over again.  If you choose to love, the feelings will return.

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Tags: marriage, sacraments, catechism, relationships, divorce

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Comments on “Three Things I've Learned About Marriage”

Comment #1 Permalink
Excellent post, and I will agree with it totally (provided the allowance that I step away from the traditional Lutheran definition of Sacrament that limits that term to be used for a divine act that grants forgiveness).

Love is not a feeling - love in Scripture always denotes action. We don't get that in the US today.

Posted on July 21, 2009 15:20 by Eric Brown |

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