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< A Gallery of Marian Art | Features | 2009 Parade of Bad Nativities >

A Parade of Bad Nativities

By Robyn Broyles, December 17, 2009 07:00

This post originally appeared in December 2008.

The blog Going Jesus started the Cavalcade of Bad Nativities in 2004, and published the Cavalcade II in 2007. The Cavalcades consist of pictures of ugly, kitschy, and just plain wrong nativity scenes. Leave the lights on is paying tribute to Going Jesus with the 2008 Parade of Bad Nativities.

It was shockingly easy to find bad nativities. For many of these, I just searched eBay for "unique nativity." Hint to the sellers: There's a reason many of these nativity scenes are unique!

The merely ugly

We used to have a nativity scene like this when I was growing up. We picked at that ferny stuff every year until eventually the barn was totally denuded. It was an improvement.

The Psychedelic Nativity, a throwback to the 1960s.

These poor people have no mouths! How can they sing praises to the Christ Child?

Don't touch Baby Jesus! He's sharp!

If you have to blow up a picture of a nativity scene, try to (a) trim the white space and (b) choose a nativity in which Mary does not have leprosy.

Scary nativity scenes

When I saw this in thumbnail, I thought it looked creepy, but full size, it's downright terrifying. Jesus and Mary are sitting on the Christ Child's shoulders like an angel and a devil whispering in his ear, and he has a baby-shaped brooch in the middle of his chest! Yikes!

This Santa looks like he's going to eat me! And look, he already ate the Holy Family!

Not all bad nativities are products of American pop culture. In this "Ancient Representation of the Nativity," a star is boring into the head of Baby Jesus, and both he and Mary are turning into caterpillars! Understandably, Joseph looks alarmed.

"And behold, a giant cleaver didst split the barn in two."

This nativity scene gives new meaning to the phrase "Lamb of God." A green Lamb of God, in this case.

"It's not 'Door to Heaven,' it's... 'STARGATE.'"

The Bible records that Baby Jesus was born in rude surroundings, but it specified a manger, not a urinal.

Just plain wrong

I'm not sure what Playmobile Toys are, but there's a manger scene at the center of this collection of them.

Why yes, it is made of recycled cans!

Yeah. That's right. Someone painted light bulbs to make a nativity scene. The cotton balls are a nice touch, but I'm not sure what the olive green one is supposed to be. An alligator? A dinosaur?

I can accept that a nativity scene in an urban setting is a valid cultural interpretation, but what's with all the dead people? Surely there were no drive-by shootings in Bethlehem!

The Holy Family were humans, not woodpeckers, so I'm not sure what they're doing in a tree trunk. It's also a candle. Of course it is.

"Away in a one horse open sleigh, no crib for a bed...."

No additional words are necessary.

No words are possible.

Okay, another cultural interpretation, this one from Kenya. But why is Baby Jesus dead?

This crosses the line from cultural interpretation to historical abomination. Bethlehem was in New Mexico, didn't you know? And Jesus was placed in a kiva, not a manger!

Politics

The wall in this nativity scene is supposed to represent the division in the Holy Land.

The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals may nix a publicly sponsored nativity scene, but I don't think it can do anything about "the Nativity", you know, the birth of Our Lord.

This nativity scene from Italy was supposed to make a statement about gay marriage. Note that there are two Josephs and no Marys, leading one to wonder how Baby Jesus got here. In the Solstice Barn. I think the magi might be wearing the heads of local politicians.

Tags: bad nativities, humor, culture, image galleries

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